Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
