Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
