maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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