I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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