Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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