Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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