Me too!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
