my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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