i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
