What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
