If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
