Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
