whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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