I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
