We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
