She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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