Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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