my phone needs a breathalizer
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
