I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
