This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I love having hate sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
