Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize