Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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