The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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