My room smells like vodka and shame
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
