i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
