So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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