I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize