I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
