I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
