When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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