she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
