Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize