i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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