just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize