I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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