The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
