Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
