butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
