dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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