someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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