I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
