this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
