I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
