Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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