i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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