Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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