They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
