So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
