Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
