You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
