her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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