it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
