I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
