Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
