Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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