I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
