Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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