I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i've created a new STD.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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