So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
