I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Randomize
