He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
