you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
