u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This toilet bowl is my home.
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