o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize