I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
