I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
